


I Give You My Love

by LZ_malik



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sad Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:59:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4277712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LZ_malik/pseuds/LZ_malik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is love?<br/>Something that hurts, that screams fragility and innocence.<br/>An unknown force of broken promises and daily screams.<br/>What is love?<br/>Zayn has no idea</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Give You My Love

**Author's Note:**

> so i love writing about sad!zayn a lot and i thought this little drabble would be enough to fill that void. this is also un-betad soo any mistakes are mine of course!

He's been hurt and battered,bruised and pushed. Turned around and patted on the back,rejected and abandoned.He's been tossed away,the definition of love a foreign concept to his brain, the feeling of warmth and care such a  _ridiculous_  feeling,so unknown to him.

  
He didn't believe in love,the beauty of love at first site, first kisses and unbelievable love making.  
He didn't believe in long nights and romantic dinners.  
Zayn didn't believe in most things, didn't try to;everything let him down anyway.  
  
Life proved to be a big poker game, he made it his promise to put on his full poker face armor and face the world head on.  
He made his way through things emotionless, sex and only sex.  
Hand jobs that meant nothing but a few extra bucks in his pocket, a quickie here or there that proved he was good at keeping quiet.  
  
No one dared to love him,no one bothered. He thought that was okay,he didn't bother to love himself why should someone else try.  
He was worthless and disgusting, his life continued to be a mess that endeared nothing but reckless stupidity and fluid sexual orientations.  
  
Zayn didn't believe in starting over, becoming anew. He believed in dying and hell, being the true person he knew what he was all along,someone he knew his father and mother wouldn't be proud of.  
He wasn't proud of himself either.  
  
He always thought,imagined he saw what love was.  
A mothers tender smile as she looks down upon her children, someone smiling in adoration at their spouse or loved one.  
An old couple holding hands walking side by side, a baby's smile.  
  
Most times he liked to imagined there was actually hope for him, his days prolonged by the promise of a better future, one with him smiling for  _once_.  
  
Others he saw his road broken and impaired, in tiny pieces by the ones that scream the truth at him.  
Yelling the hurtful things he hated to hear but knew deep down inside they were true.  
  
That things were just as bad as he dreamed, that there's no hope for him at all.  
  
+

  
What is love.   
Something that hurts, that screams fragility and innocence.   
An unknown force of broken promises and daily screams.   
  
What is love.   
Zayn has no idea   
But somehow even as he wished and wished for it to go away   
He wishes for it to come and envelop him into a blanket of comfort.   
To hold onto his shoulders and give him warmth he's been craving for so long.   
  
  
  
Zayn didn't think so fast with his mind, always thought with instinct and body.   
His mind so far behind him as he went into things fast forward and never thought to slow down.   
  
He was at his crossroads, between being broken again and tossed away like trash.   
He thought he was dying and finally going into hell, the damnation he finally deserved.   
He welcomed,embraced it with open arms and a cruel crooked smile.   
  
Passed out like a drunkard and tossed to the side like last weeks left overs he couldn't figure out why he even bothered to exist.   
  
However he was confused, as confused as he gets(which is rarely) he couldn't decipher why, why hell was prettier than he thought.   
  
Swirls of brown and gold, flicker of Amber thrown into the mix as they form two dots of the darkest perfection known to man.   
With hair the color of golden sand and skin a rosy tan, Zayn wasn't sure what to think of as he tried to focus on this vision in his eyesight.   
  
He wanted to stay with this,this figment of hell's beautiful creation for him.   
He wanted to crawl up with it and create a barrier between reality and this imagination.   
  
Truth be told, after he was shaken awake and prepared something to eat ,he was surprised to find that he was not dead nor half alive or even in hell.   
He was surely thinking that he was dead, that this was the end.   
Zayn was scared, the world barely wanted him, barely wanted what he had to offer.   
  
Warm hands guiding up to his wrists, Zayn blinked down at them,uneasy as he stared at the long fingers and felt the smoothness they possessed.   
  
A voice slicked with pure perfection and tingles traveled up his arm, spoke clear and fragile like Zayn wasn't quite there   
_"Hi I'm Liam"_  
  
+   
  
Working his way to the top, smooth hands guiding alongside him, he made it out of the bottom.   
The tugging and pulling of who he thought he was, the uneasiness settling slowly.   
  
He felt calmer;better. His days longer,nights sweeter as they accompanied by a boy with Amber eyes and a golden smile.   
A boy with loud laughter and warm hands, that reassure him that he's perfect the way he is, that he's amazing.   
  
Zayn finally understands,that he's more than what other thinks.   
That he's giving his all,that he's here to stay.   
  
He's not giving up,his old actions dismembered and thrown to the wind as he takes on his final shape and transforming Into the man he was made into to be.   
  
  
Zayn didn't believe in love at first site,didn't believe in romantic nights and sweet talk.   
Didn't believe it until he found a boy with a perfect smile and soft words   
  
He always thought he imagined it,whenever he looked at Liam.   
The laugh lines that grow over time,that grew now that Zayn becomes something permanent.   
The small things that appear in Liam's apartment that slowly turns to Zayns.   
The small kisses at night   
  
Zayn used to think it was impossible, his life,his personal was incapable of finding love from somewhere.   
He wasn't used to loving slow and sweet,like he wanted to remember every detail of everything, he fucked rough and hard. Forgetting the details as fast as they come.   
  
He wasn't sure that he would ever get to this point, he would get here with someone that appreciates his well being,his presence.   
  
+   
  
What is love.   
Something that breaks barriers and tears away the poker face that you've built up for so long.   
Something That doesn't hurt when he touches it, stands and faces it.   
Doesn't turn or push him away,embraces him with soft lips and warm hands.   
  
What is love.   
Amber brown eyes and golden brown hair.   
Tender kisses at night,soft whispers of love in the morning.   
Clasping hands while falling asleep, morning showers ruined by sloppy kisses and soft chuckles.   
A Something that becomes A someone   
  
What is love.   
Not being afraid to say what you fear, knowing that they'll be right there to hold you;comfort you.   
  
Zayn sees it in warm eyes,sees it in a boy that sees something Zayn's been looking for in himself for years.   
Sees it in someone that he's not afraid to say i love you to   
He sees love in someone that doesn't hesitate to say it back. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading this it means a lot i hope it wasnt too horrible lol xx


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